It’s kind of odd, but I’m looking forward to not really having anything once I move. 

A fresh start.

I’ve sold my couches, my TV, my desk, my trashcan, and my pants for god’s sake.

Every night I come home, and I sit in my empty living room (on a pillow of course, because I’m an old fart at heart), and I lean back against the wall and take in the silence and nothingness.  It’s oddly refreshing. 

Calm and nothingness.

You remember back in high school at the end of each summer you had the exciting opportunity to reinvent yourself before the new school year?  You know, like Madonna? 

My biggest change occurred the summer after freshman year.  I left that high school in June 1999 wearing an oversized men’s plaid polo with a mismatched striped long sleeve T underneath, baggy jeans, and my blue Airwalks.  A mere two months later, I returned clad head to frickin toe in American Eagle.  I had decided I was done being a skater girl.  And that’s ok.  But the thing is, that’s the sort of decision that can only occur over a summer away from the analytical eyes of your peers.  It’s not a mid-school year decision.

I feel like this is what I need right now in my life.  A fresh start.

Somewhere along the line I started loading all this weight on myself.  Things that needed done, ways I needed to act, performance goals I needed to obtain, and the worst of them all is the emotional stress I naturally internalize.  I hate conflict.  Despise it actually. Hence my apathy toward politics.  When faced with conflict, my natural  reaction is to dissuade it as quickly as possible.  Even if that means internalizing my anger or my unhappiness.  Better in than out. 

And that is just, well, mentally exhausting!  I naturally try to carry the burden so others don’t have to.  Until I reach the point of explosion, that is.

I know, without a doubt, that I will miss my family.  And I’ll be sad, and probably lonely!  Not to mention a little scared.  Even with knowing all of this, I’m just looking forward to being ME and being FREE.

I want love my job and be challenged to grow by it.  I want to move around (literally) and walk EVERYWHERE until my feet hurt from the exploration.  I want to go to farmers markets, and eat clean delicious food, and cook my heart out, and do whatever sounds fun at the moment.  Step outside my comfort zone.  Learn more about ME. 

You know, like Madonna 🙂

This is what my fridge looks like rolling into Monday mornings during tax season: 

Grab and go, folks. grab.and.go.

Annnndddddd this is what my brother looked like at the ripe age of 3:

Mwahhhhhh hahahahahahahah 😀

After months of secrets, I can finally breathe.

In through the nose, outtttttttt through the mouth. 

Phewwwwww.

I am not one to make quick decisions.  Nay, I meticulously calculate my options, play out multiple scenarios in my head, get outside (often competing) opinions, then get slightly defensive… then I go home, sit by myself for long hours on the couch staring off into nothingness and let my subconscious battle it out.

When I speak up about something, it’s usually because I’m about to make a move.  Take for example the (admittedly) over-priced pair of yellow flats I had been secretly drooling over for weeks:

By the time I IMed a friend at work to express this longing desire, I already had the shoes in my Amazon shopping cart.  What may have seemed like a knee-jerk purchase was actually a thoroughly pined over plan.

Anyway, back to the cat.

About four months ago, my BF picked up and moved to Charlotte, NC to pursue a job opportunity.  I was a wreck, I’ll admit it.  Months before the move we had toyed with the thought of living in the lovely city of Charlotte.  I had an increasing itch to spread my wings, but relocating to a whole new state seemed impractical and unattainable.

When the BF first moved, everyone’s question for me was whether or not I too was moving.  Those that know me well know that it would go against my nature to drop everything I had going for myself just for a guy.  Even if that guy happened to be wildly attractive and uncannily good-natured, it just wasn’t “Mary.”

It was going to take something awesome.  Some amazing opportunity to rip me from the rut I’d fallen into.  Something I could be excited about with or without the BF nearby.  Realistically, there is no guarantee he’ll be in Charlotte for an extended period of time.  So, in my mind relocating had to be a decision I made non-contingent on the BF’s state of residence.  A decision I would be happy with even if it meant being solo in the city.

Decisions, decisions.

It’s crazy to admit, but I think a lot of people look down on women who are career focused.  For me, my career is what I have.  It’s what I’m most passionate about (next to food of course).  When push comes to shove, I have me and I have my career (and my veracious appetite).  And I want to see both of these things be the very best that they can be.

So what about that pesky cat?

I had a gut feeling Charlotte could provide me with a lot of opportunities career-wise, but I wasn’t going to jump the Ohio ship until I had really processed everything. 

So when I had not one but two amazing offers presented to me back in December, I had A LOT of analyzing to do.  After pretty much frying my brain in this process, I got what I was looking for:  an outstanding new job opportunity right smack dab in Charlotte, NC that I can honestly say I is an opportunity I am EXCITED about.  I’m excited for the new challenges it will bring and for the immense opportunity for growth it will provide.

So what I’m saying (to officially let that darn cat out of the bag) is that in just 5 short weeks, I’ll be walking away (ok driving away) from Ohio and headed to Charlotte, baby!

Good thing these shoes look good from the backside 😉

So to recap for those of you who are allergic to cats as am I:

• Well it’s tax season, folks. I’m under a wee bit of stress.
• On top of all that craziness, I need to wrap up loose ends at old job (so I don’t leave my lovely coworkers hanging)
• Sell (or rent) my house
• Find new lodging… the moving trucks are reserved… but the final destination is still unknown. Eek!
• Pack up all my crap
• Find property management co to rent house (if it doesn’t sell)
• Keep house OOBER clean in case a potential buyers want to see it
• Move alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll of my crap.
• Move into new (yet-to-be-determined) lodging
• Start new job.

Whew!

I need a marg.